The Attached Granny

The concept of Attachment Parenting guided my choices as a mother raising my children in

the 1980s and 90s. I have been greatly influenced by the works of Dr William Sears.

Primarily, three things were key in how I chose to parent -

 Breastfeeding

 Baby-wearing

 Bed sharing

Additionally, as we became aware of their importance, I embraced:

 Skin-to-skin - including uninterrupted contact in the first hours after birth; kangaroo

care for premature babies, baby-led attachment for learning to breastfeed and baby

massage.

 Baby-led introduction of family foods, respecting their ability to control what they

eat.

 Community connection - ensuring mothers have access to a modern form of the

traditional village for support and learning.

Attachment Parenting International lists their 8 Principles of Attachment Parenting:

 Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting

 Feed with Love and Respect

 Respond with Sensitivity

 Use Nurturing Touch

 Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

 Provide Consistent and Loving Care

 Practice Positive Discipline

 Strive for Balance in Your Personal and Family Life

Which I think sum up my beliefs beautifully!

Becoming a Grandmother

Grand-parenting isn't about a second chance at being a mother. It is about continuing to

support and nurture your child as they support and nurture their child. Within a traditional

society, grandmothers, aunts, older sisters and cousins are all part of the female collective

who care for the young and the elderly. Rather than clinging to their mothers, these children feel at ease in-arms with any of their circle.

By being a part of my granddaughter's circle of attachment since birth, I have built a strong

bond with her and she will happily spend time with me - despite how some people interpret

attachment parenting principles, it is not about the mother and baby being inseparable or

excluding other care-givers. And because my daughter and I share this approach to parenting, Charlie can happily switch between us. She gives me very clear signals when she needs to go back to mum for the breast but otherwise she allows me to care for her

alongside or in place of her mum.

I have cared for her, while her mother works part time, since she was 8 months old and now – aged two – she happily spends whole days with me.The wonderful off-shoot of my being part of this cross-generational triad is that the women in my daughter's mothering circles have embraced me as a sort of community grandmother.

By continuing my involvement in breastfeeding support groups and extending that into

baby-wearing, parenting and other groups, I have been able to reassure newly-attached

parents that they are doing a great job and I can share the actual results of parenting in the

same style: when they are told their baby will never leave the family bed, never wean from

the breast, never be out of arms - I simply point across the room to my daughter, who did!

Back to Babywearing

Being able to wear my granddaughter has been a wonderful opportunity to indulge my love

of baby wearing. I wore all of my babies and have followed the growth of baby slings and

carriers over the past thirty years with interest.

The choices were few back in the 1980s when my first was born and before I knew better, I

purchased a narrow-based front pack carrier Later, I bought my first NMAA Meh Tai and the rest is history! I still have that navy Meh Tai and have popped Charlie into it a couple of

times when needed and it is still going strong! Despite the strong presence of the

fashionable Snuggli in the parenting magazines, I stuck with what worked!

Babywearing was our life-saver when Kieran came along in 1991- the MehTai was one of

the few ways I could get him to sleep and have my arms free! As I qualified as a Breastfeeding Counsellor when he was 1yo, my Meh Tai also became a teaching aid and

came along to group meetings, antenatal classes and the weekly postnatal visits I did at the local hospital - it is probably the most-seen Meh Tai since Mary Paton's! (More on that later)

In 1995, I returned to work and got paid to talk about Meh Tais and demonstrate them! My

job in the Melbourne store of now Mother's Direct, until recently the retail division of ABA.

It was a wonderful chance to spread the word and I got so much practice demonstrating

them, I had to make sure I did so slow enough for customers to follow!

Part of my role over the next five years was to organise photo shoots for various catalogues and publications and that usually involved getting various friends to model different products - including the Meh Tai and also the new NMAA Simplicity Sling - a variation of the Meh Tai that utilised clips in place of the traditional knots. At that time, mid to late 1990s, most slings on the market had these kinds of fastenings and feedback was that parents preferred these to the traditional Meh Tai.

I once had the pleasure of two Chinese midwives, visiting NMAA Head Quarters in

Nunawading, exclaiming in delight when they saw a poster in the shop for the Meh Tai -

they told me that this was very familiar to them and that it translated as Meh (tying on the

back) Tai (with a belt). The traditional Asian baby carrier was this design and the story of

how it appeared as legendary in an Australian breastfeeding support organisation is not

always recognised:

In 1966, NMAA Founder Mary Paton and her family were featured in a Herald newspaper

series about Melbourne families. This busy mum literally flew home from another

engagement to meet with the reporter and photographer at her home. Whether by good

luck or intention, Mary had her youngest child on her back in a Meh Tai and the

photographer suggested she "do something" he could photograph her doing in this strange

thing. Mary grabbed the vacuum cleaner and was thus captured for eternity cleaning the

house wearing a smart dress and high heels - donned for her earlier engagement!

The response from readers was amazing, contacting the newspaper asking where they could buy such a thing - and Mary quickly announced that NMAA made and sold them. And so the seeds for Merrily Merrily/Mothers Direct were sewn! Literally sewn, in fact - around kitchen tables in sewing bees for many years until eventually outsourced to Melbourne

manufacturers , who were still supplying them 30 years later when I was selling the

products!

In 2008 I set up the ABA Breastfeeding Centre in Dandenong and, of course, quickly set up a

demo set of carriers! Ergo, Manduca and Hugabub joined the ABA carriers, plus a couple of

donated ring slings. I had no access to donations of woven wraps, but they were very much

on my radar as more and more mums were using them. One of the first events we held at

the Centre was a Slings & Things information session to celebrate International Babywearing Week, just weeks after the Centre opened.

I had promised my children that I would buy a family "library" of slings and carriers that they could all use with their babies as they came along – I should have though that one through a bit more!!! We now have multiple woven and stretchy wraps, ring slings, SSCs and mei tais, not to mention a mini-me collection of dolls carriers for Charlie! In early 2014, I created a brand new babywearing group for mothers in Melbourne’s south-eastern suburbs, Mornington Peninsula, Dandenong Ranges and beyond. This extensive triangle was bordered by other groups but distance meant the mothers in the middle needed to travel to get to meets.

A year later, South Eastern Babywearing Group has 650 members and meets weekly across four locations – Dandenong, Frankston, Narre Warren and Bentleigh. The group holds a demo collection of carriers and recently produced this video celebrating babywearing: Breastfeeding is ...

And from that group, another quickly grew.

It Takes a Village

I am a firm believer in the need for women to have community - and that no other time of

life is that more important than the early years of motherhood. I joined Nursing Mothers (now ABA) when my first child was 10 weeks old, which I reckon was about 50 weeks too late, but better late than never! I was linked into a new mothers group through the local child health centre a few weeks before that. Through those two groups, I formed many friendships that continue to this day, nearly thirty years later. So I have strongly encouraged my daughter to connect with her groups now she is a mother.

And because she has grown up seeing the need for mothers to meet with mothers, she took little encouragement. She quickly engaged with ABA, mums group, babywearing and gentle parenting groups.

Where it gets really magic is that I am also connected with many of these same groups. No

longer going to paid work three days a week allowed me the time to engage in supporting

mothers across the community and our shared approach to mothering means we now share many of the same friends. So my role as Granny is extending beyond my one little

grandchild and being shared in a wider network.

As a mother who practised many of the techniques these mothers have chosen, it reassures them to know my babies who were breastfed, baby-worn, bed sharers grew beyond all those things. That fussy eaters, poor sleepers and unsettled babies move on. That the parenting choices they make for their families are valid, sustainable and positive!

Not long after starting South Eastern Babywearing Group, I realised that mamas needed

more than just babywearing support in that group or breastfeeding support via my ABA group. They were finding their mums’ groups didn’t always share the same parenting

philosophies and often felt isolated and alone as mothers.

In a society that not only thrusts new mothers back into the paid work-force too soon but

also sees grandmothers, aunts and older sisters there as well, making connections with

mothers of all stages can be a challenge. And as much as I am committed to the benefits of

social media for connection, there is nothing like face-to-face interaction for mothers AND

their children.

But social media – Facebook – was the ideal tool to connect all these isolated mothers and

Southern Natural Parenting Network was born. With a primary focus on breastfeeding,

babywearing, co-sleeping, cloth nappies and baby-led weaning, the groups quickly become a community and also a village.

Too often these days, society is corralled into segregated spaces - day care followed by

school is then followed by the workplace and - eventually - aged care units. Increasingly,

each age group is isolated from the life stages that come before and after it, removing the

traditional learning and support structure communities depend upon.

I think it is really important that we actively engage all age groups with each other, but

especially that the wisdom of motherhood is passed across generations, as it always has,

and that mothers have opportunities to come together, as they always should.

So Southern Natural Parenting Network includes mothers with children of all ages – from

newborns to adults and grandchildren; allied and other health practitioners; small business

holders providing goods and services in our community and wisdom from some well-known experts in their fields.

As well as an active online community, this village meet in real life too: weekly Fresh Air &

Friendship meets in community parks and playgrounds, Coffee and Conversation meets and special events discussing cloth nappies, baby-led weaning and more. As well as the siser-group South Eastern Babywearing Group, the network includes SNPN buy sell swap lend giveaway and SNPN Support – providing meals and practical support to members.

Break-off playgroups and mums groups have formed and community members meet up in existing groups as well. Now with close to 900 members, these women have found their village. With members outside the local community, interstate and even over-seas, we embrace “Everybody lives south of somewhere” and welcome everyone who wishes to join.

Sharing the Wisdom

In May this year, a new opportunity found me, as I was invited to become the Early Parenting Editor for BellyBelly.com.au. Writing about what I love – breastfeeding, baby wearing, normal infant sleep, gentle parenting and more. The circle of life continues, as I look forward to more grandchildren in the future.

For more information on babywearing in Melbourne's South east please join: https://www.facebook.com/groups/SouthEasternBabywearing/

To connect with the Southern Natural Parenting network, visit https://www.facebook.com/groups/SouthernNaturalParentingNetwork/

Yvette O'Dowd has been a member of ABA for 31 years and a breastfeeding counsellor for 23.

Yvette is Group Leader of ABA Dandenong group and runs antenatal breastfeeding classes, including ones for parents expecting twins & more! Yvette is also a peer support volunteer with the MS Society and facilitates the Frankston MS support group. As well as running South Eastern Babywearing Group and Sounthern Natural Parenting Network, Yvette is Early Parenting Editor foreBellyBelly.com.au.

Yvette has three adult children, one of whom is not currently living at home! Her youngest child Kieran, as well as his sister Kaitlyn, her husband Ashley and their daughter Charlie share the family home with Yvette and her husband Rod. Melissa visits frequently! Yvette cares for Charlie while her mother works part-time.

In the unlikely event of spare time, Yvette is a passionate scrapbooker and memory keeper, photographer, blogger, reader and keeper of a fairy garden!